(The report before I started doing reports)
THE SPACE BETWEEN MOMENTS
What is it I said last time?
Everything is an almost.
It’s not that I was wrong, but instead like I was looking at this wall when I could also look at the building it’s in from a bird’s eye view. The issue I was seeing as empty space between moments was just a piece of the puzzle. And while it appears like a bleak leap of faith, thinking of it as a leap of faith is the key to appreciating the choice to let yourself go. Once you truly do, you don’t have to see yourself as this free falling self that will disintegrate into the emptiness, almostness, ether between the moments. You see, instead, that the space between moments is filled with an incredible movement that keeps us going. Be it a party, dance, battle in space, it is movement.
When you let go of yourself you start to realize that everything is falling with you. Once you see that, you’re no longer lost and falling into the space between moments, but instead part of the commanding movement that keeps everything going. You don’t lose yourself, but instead see and become yourself as the self of the collective, moving from one moment to the next.
Life, moments, time - they’re a groove in which so much incredible shit happens in the infinitesimally small spaces between moments that we miss most of it. But what the dimension/trip/etc. shows you is a look at what’s going on in that space. On the last (third) trip, you saw everything moving like you were staring at everything in a factory working, and you just saw your phone screen like a text box for a game that you don’t understand how to play. Then you see it as you’re free falling (and felt your heart rate go up). But this time, you saw yourself a part of the movement and grooved with it to not just find autonomy in the trip but to at the very same time lose yourself into something that’s bigger than you.
Everything is (a) movement.
… and we’re part of it.
YOU, THE WARRIOR
The movement was only possible because of the music. I feel like in order to see this other “space between moments” dimension, you need to be able to use multiple senses at the same time. It’s not enough to just think about it or see stuff, but the sound allows you to break through.
Last night, it gave me the power, life force, light, etc. to be a part of the movement in a powerful way. Once you see yourself as an autonomous part of this movement, it starts to feel heavenly. Ale’s music propelled you into this movement that turned you into a fucking warrior. And in the same way you didn’t recognize yourself or who you were in Joshua Tree, it’s because you are you’re tripping character/hero/warrior/etc. In my opinion it’s our subconscious in between moments doing this movement work. And when you go on these trips, you were getting closer to meeting him.
On the third trip when you first saw him, you lost yourself and were worried about some kind of nightmarish ego death. But this time, you saw him as different from you in the way you see a superhero go through an aesthetic and era change that now shows them in the warrior stage of their life, seasoned and with expertise that makes them worthy of this collective movement. You appreciate yourself with the kind of love and appreciation that others often have of us. Then, you start to realize that that warrior IS you.
You feel so empowered and so a part of this movement that you feel proud of yourself for being a part of reality, the movement, everything. This birthday trip definitely felt like an amazing welcome to my “warrior” years. It’s the first time I’ve felt truly curious to live them and be in it. This trip gave me a chance to both appreciate and experience it as part of some kind of inter dimensional battle and dance set to Ale’s music.
You are a warrior, and are in the warrior years. It’s something to be so proud of and excited about.
You gotta do music man. Music is how we launch ourselves into other dimensions like we did with music on the trip. It is your path. Don’t forget how incredible you can feel with music. Remember when you were listening to “Easy” and in that verse when you go to “and that’s what you told yourself” you had like a brain blast orgasm thing similar to reading philosophy aloud with Sam? lol. The ultimate link and connection between the you’s. Your music are notes and bottled messages between your sober self and trip self.
SIDE QUESTS AND CAVEATS
- Some good ways to describe the “movement” … everything is a groove, everything is in groove with itself, everything is adverb without an adjective it’s describing, etc. For example, everything you experience about reality is felt so incredibly, profoundly, wonderfully, unbelievably, … (there is no adjective).
- In some ways this feels like the Trip world gave me a birthday party lol. So maybe this isn’t as absolute as it mays seem like I think it is, but that’s not even the point. Finding ways to describe what you experience is not just, or even really, for the sake of being able to have a complete picture of something, but instead about the compulsive love to describe, articulate and connect. Yes, we yearn for the absolution and security of certainty, but in some ays it is much about the questions we ask and the problems we try solve than the actual answers and solutions themself. Think of “the answers” as more like a North Star we never get to, and we never get to it because the star was a peculiar reflection of our own light the whole time. The goal of what we were doing was, well, what we were doing.
- I feel really good about my short hair now lol.
- Frank Ocean’s “Solo” In hell, in hell there’s heaven. That is so similar to your idea that “the struggle itself was always the point of our dream” or “maybe payment for the purchase is itself the excitement” or “maybe waiting for the purpose is itself the decided.” Although Frank’s description is so elegant and beautiful.
- The “Surprise Party” effect - certain things when you start to get scared that your seeing something your not supposed to (like how you’re not “supposed” to see what’s going on between moments). Like everything was setting up for a surprise party and right as the person walks in someone gets that loose shoe behind a couch so as not to reveal what everyone did before that moment. Think The Life of Pets or any of those movies where everything comes alive in a way when humans leave.
- It’s like learning to use a muscle you didn’t know you had. But you do have that muscle to not just see, but participate, move. Tripping helps you come to terms with your warrior self, your movement muscle, etc.